I was reading a blog post a while ago which sparked an idea to write about fighting with your significant other. I didn't want to do the 'dos and donts' because everyone fights differently. The only thing that would be a complete no-no is getting physical. Other than that, do what seems to work best with the least amount of hurt feelings! This post is a little about how Chris and I fight and what I'd like to change about it.
There seems to be a lot of miscommunication when my boyfriend and I fight. Mostly it's because we don't truly understand where either of us is coming from (even though we might think we do, or we understand at the surface level, but there's actually so much more underneath). Also, I am a VERY emotional fighter and he's VERY logical.
After the last argument we had, I thought of something to help deter fighting (because he likes to be right and if he thinks he is, he will argue tooth and nail... but when I'm emotional, I'm super stubborn). I was thinking that when either of us has an issue with something, we can try to be clear and say something along the lines of, "I'm hurt because you knew what time I was coming over and I thought we had plans. Instead, since you chose to start a game with your roommate which led to me waiting for over an hour before it finished, and it made me feel like you didn't care about our plans." That way, it's mostly clear and you won't be arguing about something that isn't even the underlying issue (aka my fights with Chris). He'll think that the issue was that I was mad that he was playing a game with his roommate, period, when the issue was that I thought he had plans that he disregarded (or whatever).
We haven't had a fight in a while, so I haven't been able to try this method out, but it seems great in theory. Hopefully, if something really irks me to the point where I have to bring it up, we can have a quick discussion about it instead of a drawn-out fight.
Also, letting go is helpful for me. For some dumb reason, the littlest things will bother me sometimes (even though the underlying issue isn't as small). And a good chuck of the time, the issue is more about me than him (sometimes its insecurities that I project onto him), which I know is unhealthy. However, I've been getting a lot better with time and talking about things helps me as well. We've been dating for 10 months, so we're still pretty new!
I know you have to pick your battles, and that's very true. Oftentimes if something is bothering me, I try to let it go (I may be a tad reserved or grumpy for a few minutes), but I discover that it's not a big deal, I forget about it, and it also avoids a usually pointless argument.
We're moving in together in the middle of July, so I know there will be an adjustment period. I'll post updates about what it's like living with your boyfriend, and maybe some of my struggles/successes and tips. (:
Let me know how you fight/handle fights in the comments! Do you guys ever go to bed angry? What are some of your tips? Do you have any questions or concerns for me or other readers?
Blog posts from 2014-2015 were transferred from my original blog on blogger, Oshiro Design, to my updated website, oshirodesigns.com